vagabond life: alone or not really?

kandido is living like a vagabond.
sleeping in some else's houses, living on the charity of some drinks or a dream of woman warm hug.
his life is in his bag: a pc, few undies (founded), 2 pair of trousers, and a warm sweater and one book of poetry. light, easy to move.
moving from one country to another, following some dreams: dreams of love, dreams of work, dreams of finding something that is never there.
something else is there, as beautiful as his disillusioned dream.
moving alone, gotten nourished by stranger's smiles. by strangers kindness.
beautiful life? cursed life?
everything is happy and everything is sad at the same time.
like a sadu or an old fashioned adventurer or like the mariner of the poetry of Neruda that will find only rest in the arms of lady death.
when you take away some sticks that hold your life you see that everything around starts crumble, like a card castle. nothing last.
sometimes everything seems meaningless.
"what am i doing here?"
"where is my love, where are my friend, my family?"
alone we are born and alone we'll die. like everybody. but he doesn't live the masquerade.
he cannot anymore. even if sometimes he would like it. but it will mean die. another kind of death, the life of a living dead.
it's a warrior life. fighting everyday against one's mind. against one's illusions.
trying to avoid traps, running, jumping...
everyday battles, some he looses and some he wins...
the body full of scars...
is there an end for this war?
is there peace somewhere that is not in death?
it's not dramatic:
kandido rises his eyes and see the beautiful house he lives in."look at this house, so beautiful, and i don't even be bother of paying the rent", "look at this woman love. i can have it without see it fading away."
he saw so much that sometimes i get scared. why all this beauty only for me? why i'm so lucky to live through all of this and see all this things... it's too much. it's too much for just me. why i cannot share all this greatness? why being happy alone? happiness is greater in sharing... sharing is love. life should be beautiful for everybody, not just me."
i hope when i'll die some of my smiles will keep on echoing in the world...making more and more people smile."
life like a clown. life like a vagabond. life like a warrior. life like a sadu. life like a gypsy.
"you are not made for marriage" a drunk woman told him in a bar "you are not made for a settled down life? the dragon looks for the heaven alone. alone." maybe. "maybe it's just words, maybe it's just superstitions." maybe.

impatience is a prison, the prison of looking for something in the near future... and don't see the now...
but when you are a vagabond, you live day by day, you live thanks to other, you see how small we are without others... how dependant we are from all the things around us... and you become humble, and thankful....
"cry and you'l cry alone, smile and you'll smile with others"

symphony of the deep sea

kandido is on the deck of the ferry that brings him back from okinawa to osaka.



the wind tickles his skin. the sun draws shiny spots on the blue sea.



and the vibration under the feet



and the rays coming out of the clouds



and the music on the ipod is playing an air of bach



and the taste of iron in the mouth.



and the smell of salt on the air



and every hair of his body shaking



and the wind playing with the water drawaing million of one second raibows



and some islands far away like a paper painting



and the pulsating noise of the engines



and his vein pulsating as well



some black clouds are running fast over his head, on a carpet of white distant clouds. dancing at the same rhythm of the music.



a white pencil keep on drawing in the sky magical figures of dragons, monsters in the eternal fight of the transformation.







kandido looks at the waves that the ferry draws, they keep on forming and destroying some roundish white foam shapes. and his mind flies to his father dead on a tropical sea. he faded away. this life is make of born and die. forming and reforming same shapes. he feels gratitude for that silent man that made of him a more free man.



kandido starts jumping and dancing. some punk tunes are playing



the sun is shining reddish now. and the wind more intense.



he spins crazily, open arm and playing with the wind.



kandido keeps on dancing, playing, flying for 3 hours till the sunset.



alone on the deck



the other passengers are locked in their cabins reading manga.



the black sea can be also scary to see sometimes...

chapter lost... lost in translation... just lost...

kandido is walking down the street: back pack, and earphones with loud music on.
a man sited o the corner stop him.
"amerikan?"
"no! italian. but i don't really care."
"i want to know people from all over the world. to see there are no differences."
"i see. no differences i know, in japan i feel japanese, in africa,african... i don't see differences anymore."
"where are you going?"
"i'm hitch hiking down south to the seaside."
"do you have a hotel booked?"
"no."
"a phone?"
"no."
"and your family? your wife? don't you keep any contact?"
"no. words are not important. can i change the world with a phone call?"
"drink a beer with me. seaside is far. and hitch hinking difficult in japan. very difficult..."
"i have more time than money. nothing is difficult... we only thinking. we don't really know."
"sorry i don't have a phone today. i forget it at home. drink another beer. eat some tempura."
"thanks. you are so kind!"
"i don't believe in country: china japan, italy are the same."
"so i do! people is same: feelings are the same: we get angry, we get happy, we fall in love, we  hate... it's the same in italy and in japan. the exterior way is different but inside is the same."
"drink another beer..."
"i should go... the road is long..."
"you look lost"
"maybe i am. but i don't have a real direction. so it doesn't matter"
"take this money. if you don't find a car take a bus."
"thanks so much. thanks for everything!"
kandido starts walking dancing on the tune of his ipod.
he walks an hour and he find himself at the same place where he meet the man.
"maybe i'm lost..." he smiles surprised. "i just don't care, i enjoy the road. i don't care. sooner or later i will get there!"
after few minutes a woman take him on her car and brings him at the seaside!
"i'm thankful to so many people. to so many things. my life is possible only thanks to the others. to the animal i eat, to the person that helps me. of course i miss my loved ones. of course sometimes everything looks pointless. but just because i don't know exactly where i am going it doesn't mean that there is a direction in all this wandering. know i'm blind. everybody is. i just keep on walking. even a blind can find his way out. "

chapter ...: life like a dolphin... neoteny

kandido went to see the dolphins in ocean park in okinawa.
the dolphins were jumping happily, playing, and running crazy in the water.
kandido starts to cry to such a beautiful view. such a joy of living, such a pure happiness this animal have, even if they have to do the same show 6 times a day.


when kandido went to see them under the water some dolphins come to play with him.
"i would like to live like a dolphin, pure joy, pure playing attitude... full curiosity."
dolphins look at you with big eyes and they smile. "i would like to play with life the same way they do."

everything is so full of life in okinawa. they call it the spiritual island of japan... because when you are there you feel a strange energy vibrating everywhere: it's the sea. it's this overwhelming nature.
we are sea. we come from the sea. sex is salty like sea. our blood is like sea. and here you feel this strange/sexual/living energy. the wave has the same rythm of your breath, the crickets play the same tunes of your heart. you are here, part of everything because everything is like (in) you.
snorkelling among the fish kandido think about his father died in a tropical ocean. "i can die here, because here there is so much life that i would not feel it... but the ocean doesn't want me today... like tom waits is singing...". when you are so immerse in life dying seems easy. in okinawa people make a party for the dead people. they buries them in womb/vagina grave... because it's a new re-born... here you can feel it.
one night sleeping i na cave on the shore of kudaka island (the island of god), kandido had a strange dreams, like e revelation, he was watching the wall of the grotto the amazing patterns made by shells, corals, bones... and everything was repeating the same shape just with little variations... everything is fractal!!! me too... everything share the same nature. my body is shaped in the same way and my mind and its thought too... repetition and variations... just matter of scale it properly and everything is a fractal. we are natural, in all our differences we are the same... it's just matter to see properly under the right scale... tibetan call it samsara: the infinite circle of variations... we can just call strange attractor...

when the dream finished kandido wakes up and jumped in the water... the rain started... but there was no difference... water inside, around or in the sky!


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"Neoteny is "remaining young", and it may be ironic that it is so little known, because human evolution has been dominated by it. Humans have evolved to their relatively high state by retaining the immature characteristics of their ancestors. Humans are the most advanced of mammals - although a case could be made for the dolphins - because they seldom grow up. Behavioural traits such as curiosity about the world, flexibility of response, and playfulness are common to practically all young mammals but are usually rapidly lost with the onset of maturity in all but humans. Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature."

from Still Life With Woodpecker of tim robbins